Well I said that my roommate was a whole story unto himself, so here it goes. As of today he has not showed up back at the room for a 24+ hours, which is a good thing. Where to start with him? Well I guess I could start by giving you guys his name, which is Mark Vis. He is from New Jersey and according to him he is a fellow physics major. I don't really see that one working out for him for reasons that will be pretty obvious later on. So onto the story.
The first thing you will notice when you come near my room is the smell that just hangs in the air. It's not a good smell either, it's the smell of clothes molding, more specifically Mark's clothes molding. You see, in the 1.5 semesters I've known this guy he hasn't done his laundry, and he only showers about three or four times a week. He has clothes laying around in the room/stuffed into his closet that have not been washed in about 6 months (He didn't take all of his clothes home with him to New Jersey over winter break). I will be the first to admit I'm a bit of a neat freak, but the smell was at the point where I must keep my door open just to get some fresh air in my room a long time ago. It doesn't stop at the clothes either, he leaves all sorts of stuff out. As I am typing this out his trashcan has overflowed with garbage, so he has an empty box of Cheese Nips on the ground, next to an empty box of graham crackers and an empty tin of pringles. I am pretty sure that his side of the room could easily constitute a health hazard, so I included two pics.
Mark's bed and surrounding area
Mark's closet, you can make out some of the stuff that is 6 months old in there
This is not even half of the crap that Mark does either.
If you'll remember up there I said that his clothes smell pretty bad and he only showers about three or four times a week, so to put it bluntly he smells pretty bad. This is not helped by the fact that every couple hours he will spend about 2 minutes squirting his body down with cologne and Axe spray on deodorant. Not just a few spritz, You couldn't count the amount of shots of cologne this guy puts on with both hands. He has gone through an entire bottle of cologne (3.4 fl oz.) since the start of this semester alone. Not to mention the half a dozen empty cans of axe he has laying around the room. Mark puts on so much scent that you can smell it from the hallway after application, and if you are like me and in the room it makes your eyes water.
He's also got a bit of a courtesy problem, and by that I mean any time period of more then 10 seconds or so that he is in the room he will blast his music at full volume. Granted he uses a laptop so it can't go too loud, but if any of you out there own a laptop you know the type of sound quality you get out of them (some laptops have very nice sound, but his is not one of them). So I get to listen to wonderful MTV rap along the lines of 50 cent, Ludacris, Eminem, and awesome awesome screaming hardcore emo music all the fucking time. It doesn't matter if he walks in and I'm on the phone, or if he walks in and it's 5 am. The music gets turned on regardless. Along with this shit comes the problem of him getting pissy if I accidentally wake him up by sneezing at 4pm when he's sleeping in our tiny ass dorm room. I don't know how many of you live in dorms, but they are very small, and since you only got one room to live in it can be a hassle. Since Mark will stay up all night for a few nights in a row sitting in the courtyard smoking, he will go to sleep one night at about 5pm and wake up 12+ hours later. This would be kind of understandable if he stayed up partying or something, but as Hunter can attest he just sits in the fucking Hale Aloha Courtyard. Coming up next is the king of all stories.
If anyone remembers my first post on the website about being urinated on (if there is a big enough demand I may end up re-writing it), this story kind of follows that. One night at about 3-5 am I wake up to this really familiar sound. It sounds just like water being poured out of a water bottle onto the ground. I am really tired so I try to ignore the noise and go back to bed, however it keeps going. When I open my eyes I see my roommate standing over my fan (which I put on my chair at night so I get fan-air while sleeping). I just sit there and stare for a good half a minute or so, the whole time I'm thinking to myself "Why is Mark pouring a water bottle out onto my fan?". I thought he was just being a giant asshole and trying to ruin my fan, but as the sound went on I got this really sneaking suspicion. If you have ever been camping or outside for a long time you have probably seen a guy pissing into a bush, well Mark had that stance... I kept thinking to myself that I must have been dreaming, because this was an unnaturally long piss. I still wasn't even sure he was pissing, I mean I had only gotten about 3 hours of sleep by that point and it was practically pitch black in the room. Eventually the noise stops, and guess what? He SHAKES! He shakes his damn cock, stuffs it back in his pants, and passes out halfway on his bed. I can remember laying in bed and trying to figure out what to do about the pool of urine soaking my chair, fan, and the surrounding floor. I still count myself lucky that he didn't piss all over my bed, since my bed and my fan are about 6 inches apart. I finally end up waking his ass up and he mops up his piss with one of MY handtowels, I was kind of ticked off about that, since he basically just ruined one of my two handtowels. He offered to clean it for me and give it back to me, but would you want a towel that was literally dripping with someone else's urine not an hour before?
4 Comments:
lol your page just has a PSA owned.
By piro, at 2/17/2005 09:17:26 PM
nevermind it has an ad now laffo
By piro, at 2/17/2005 09:25:13 PM
cheer up emo kid.
By Anonymous, at 2/17/2005 10:38:34 PM
"So, I was like,'yeah, baby what time is it?'and she fucking got me one in the solar plexus.
I was hurt."
By Anonymous, at 2/21/2005 02:41:41 AM
