Why McDonalds is Evil or Proof that I'm Still Alive (Sorry Folks ^_^)by frogboy on Saturday, February 26, 2005 at 3:29:00 PM HST.
So turns out I'm not dead afterall. I'm sorry to dissappoint most of you out there. Yes, I missed my scheduled President's Day post. I apologize, in order to make it up I'm supposed to write a new post. So anyway I was reading my Sociology book the other day................ (pause for obligatory sociology quip) Like I was saying I was reading my Sociology book the other day, well the chapter I was reading was about the so called McDonaldization of society. There was a certain section that caught my eye. Basically it was a list of all the atrocities that McDonalds perpetrates on a daily basis. Among these were the obvious... treatment of animals, their food being unhealthy, poor working conditions... etc. There was one thing in particular though that I found strange and that was that McDonalds is responsible for the destruction of the rain forest. I later found out this is because of cattle ranching, but at the time it got me thinking, why should we stop there? Why shouldn't we force Mcdonalds to fess up to all of their other lesser known atrocities against the human population. So without further ado I present "Why McDonalds is Evil: What they don't want you to know."
1. McDONALDS IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE HOLOCAUST
Now I know the Holocaust ended at least 10 years before the first McDonalds appeared, but what you may not have known is that the founders of McDonalds were all Nazis who imigrated to America after the war. You see the concentration camps were early "Hamburger Universities" where young men and women would learn how to work ovens and grills fast and efficiently under stressful conditions. Since cattle and other animals were in short supply they were replaced with jews, the old, the disabled, and various other members of society who taste great when properly cooked.
2. McDONALDS CONVINCED TRUMAN TO DROP THE BOMBS ON JAPAN
This probably clashes with the above, but if you think about it it doesn't. The war in Germany was over before the war with Japan. The Nazis having abandoned their camps in Europe, knew that the best place to set up their new fast efficient restraunt would be the United States and that their biggest competition would come the Japanese. If they didn't take them down now, they would have monopolized the fast food industry much like they monopolize electronics today. So these Nazis convinced Truman to drop the bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki forcing Japan to surrender and eat shogun burgers provided by McDonalds.
3. McDONALDS ARE ALL A BUNCH OF COMMUNIST
While I don't know the origins of McDonalds commitment to communism, it is fairly evident and plain to see. Take for example their mascot Ronald McDonald and his RED hair and makeup. While they operate under the guise of a capitalist industry, they are really communist waiting for their time to rise up and overthrow the capitalist government. This will most likely happen after all those who would oppose them are either dead from McDonalds food or unable to pull their fat asses away from their big macs to resist.
4. McDONALDS CREATED AIDS
Yes McDonalds created AIDS, bet you didn't see that one coming. Yeah, McDonalds created AIDS. Human beings basically have 2 inherent desires, hunger and lust. Take away sex or cause them to fear it and they're forced to satisfy their other need, hunger. And when McDonalds needed to clean up their image they conviently created the Ronald McDonald house. AIDS was all part of an insidious plot to boost their public image as well as sales.
5. McDONALDS ASSASSINATED MLK, GHANDI, TUPAC, JFK AS WELL AS MANY OTHERS
Sounds absurd right? What could McDonalds possibly gain from these deaths? Absolutely nothing. The question should actually be what would they lose if these men continued to exist. First Martin Luther King stated in his famous speech that blacks and whites would sit down at dinner table together, of course McDonalds had this same dream except they were sitting in a McDonalds restraunt. Ghandi was assassinated because of his fasting, McDonalds was afraid this would start a trend among people. It was decided Ghandi had to go if they wanted to sell any Maharaja macs in India. Tupac was targeted because he was a young black man making money... and McDonalds hates young black men making money. It isn't known if McDonalds targeted JFK or had anything to do with the assassination as a corporation, but it is known that the second gunman was apparently a red haired individual wearing overalls and who wears a size 14 1/2 shoe.
That's it for my spiel on McDonalds. The views expressed are solely my own and in no way reflect WCXP or anyone else associated with it. If you have a problem with anything I've said, you should know I have no way of backing any of this up, but If I've learned anything it's you don't need proof for anything you say, it just has to be the complete opposite of the other person's views. Doesn't matter if they read it in a book because let's face it we can't trust books. So that's all for this post, read it, don't, tell me the shut up, I don't care i'm going to go catch up on some ZZZZZ's.
5 Comments:
Wow, this post actually didn't piss me off. Good job my friend, aside from a few typos, I'd like to see more like it.
(also no more ^_^ things really)
By piro, at 2/26/2005 10:04:57 PM
You're posting all wrong Evan. ALL WRONG!
By Xerxes, at 2/27/2005 01:59:17 PM
the shut up, evan. Just the shut up already.
Nice post, but come on, couldn't you have come up with a less mainstream opinion? Everyone thinks MD is evil, but when's the last time anyone blamed Taco Bell or BK for drilling a hole into the middle of the earth and realeasing floods of hobbits and secret sauce?
By bee, at 2/27/2005 10:51:03 PM
where are the updates dammit.
By Anonymous, at 3/13/2005 11:14:45 AM
See? nothing gets done when hunter starts jerking off evan while they think about john
By Anonymous, at 3/15/2005 09:17:26 PM
